I had a great example recently of how one word, a unconscious slip of the tongue, the use of a habitual phrase can unintentionally offend.

I was traveling for work. I got off the plane and went to the rental car kiosk. The customer service agent got high marks for his pleasant, welcoming and efficient service. In no time I had the keys to my vehicle. He directed me to the car lot and advised me that “one of his guys” would help me out.

As I headed out to the lot, I was looking for both my car, and a male employee available to help. What I saw was a female employee who was helping another customer. She smiled and told me she would be right with me. There were no “guys” available anywhere.

Now, I know that it is easy enough to use the expression, “you guys” even when are talking to women. When I am speaking or training, I often use that expression, however, I always advise my audiences that I am using that phrase in a gender neutral sense, and tell them that I do not mean to offend anyone.

Admittedly, I am hyper sensitive about ensuring that I am conscious of using language that will be respectful to everyone, particularly in a training session. That said, however, the fact is that all employers have a statutory legal obligation to ensure that their workplaces are free from discrimination. The only way for that to happen is for employees to be aware of what they are saying and doing, and ensuring that it is respectful.

Was this one comment discriminatory? No, unless it was part of an ongoing pattern. Was it offensive? Potentially yes. I was taken aback to see a female employee when I was expecting a male. I wondered why the agent had so specifically said “one of my guys”.

Being who I am, I shared the agent’s comment with the young woman. She looked at me and said, “oh, is that what I am now.” And then she wanted to know who had made the comment. I could see it bothered her. I suggested to her that she might want to give her co-worker some feedback, framing my comment from a perspective that it may have been simply an unintended slip of the tongue.

In all likelihood that customer service agent did not mean to be either discriminatory or offensive. I could have just let the comment pass and not spoken to the young woman. What do you think? Should we speak up or remain silent, particularly when, as in a case like this, we are not even directly involved.

I think you can guess where I would land on that issue. Just because someone is unaware of their behavior, or the fact that they may have offended does not let either them or us off the hook. The fact that we are not directly involved is not an excuse. If we are really interested in promoting a more respectful workplace and society, we have to be prepared to walk the talk. We have to speak up. Staying silent really isn’t an option if we are interested in creating and supporting change.

I truly hope that this young woman went back and had a respectful conversation with her co-worker. I truly hope that her feedback will serve to awaken a new level of awareness in him about his choice of language. I hope that their relationship will be enhanced, not damaged by the conversation.

Of course I will never know what happened. But you know I have always loved a happy ending, and I see no reason to change now. Bottom line is that whatever choice she makes, I know I made the right choice in choosing to speak up to promote respect.