Dying for Dishonour – The Shafia Murders

Posted on January 30, 2012 by Erica Pinsky

Yesterday Canadian courts handed down a guilty verdict in the trail ofMohammad Shafia, his  wife Tooba Yahya and their son Hamed for the murder of 4 female family members.    Zainab, 19, Sahar, 17, and Geeti Shafia, 13, and Rona Mohammad Amir, 50,  Mohammad’s first wife in his polygamous marriage were all found dead in a Nissan that had been pushed into the Rideau canal.

Like Aqsa Parvez, another young  Muslim woman killed by her father and brother in Toronto  who I blogged  in June 2010, Zainab, Sahar and Geeti were killed because their father deemed that their actions were bringing dishonour to their family.   The girl’s interest in integrating into their new country by wearing Western clothes, listening to Western music and dating was cause enough for their father to consider them “whores”.   In Afganistan, where Mohammad grew up, whores like his daughters deserve to die.  So he killed them.

Leaders in Canada’s Islamic community are reacting to the verdict by applauding the outcome but characterizing the crime as one of domestic violence rather than honour killings.  As reported by CBC news,   Samira Kanji, president of the Noor Cultural Centre in Toronto, warned on Monday against “focusing unduly” on the purported honour-killing motive.  http://tinyurl.com/6tacyf3

While I can certainly appreciate why Ms. Kanji might want to downplay the “honour killing” aspect of the murders,  I must respectfully suggest that taking that kind of approach will simply lead to the killing of more women and girls.

The evidence that emerged in the trial was that the girl’s father repeatedly referred to them as “shameless” and “honourless”.  This was not a case of domestic violence.  This was premeditated murder,  the rationale for which, as  Justice  Maranger  stated in his decision  was  “that the four completely innocent victims offended your twisted notion of honour, a notion of honour that is founded upon the domination and control of women, a sick notion of honour that has absolutely no place in any civilized society.” http://tinyurl.com/8xygbog

The United Nations Population Fund estimates that over 5,000 women and girls are murdered each year by members of their own families for similar crimes.  Once confined to remote and isolated countries like Afganistan,  the Shafia family’s country of origin, these crimes are now spreading across the globe and their numbers are climbing rapidly. Recent research by the Iranian and Kurdish Women’s Rights Organization,  showed that police in the United Kingdom recorded almost 3000 such honour attacks in 2010. Last month Pakistan’s Human Rights Commission reported that in the first nine months of 2011, 675 women and girls were killed in honour slayings.  http://tinyurl.com/7cxzj8c

As James Baldwin once wrote “Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.”   The verdict in the Shafia case has sent a strong signal, but until leaders within the Muslim community are prepared to face up to the reality of what is happening to women and girls within their communities, these killings will continue.

The fact is that for millions of young Muslim women their choice is subjugation or death.  As this case and countless others so clearly demonstrate, the fact that they live in countries like Canada that have human rights laws is irrelevant.   Until the communities themselves truly embrace such laws, nothing will change.

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Sarah Burke – A Legacy to Live Up To

Posted on January 20, 2012 by Erica Pinsky

Today the world mourns the untimely death of freestyle skier Sarah Burke, who died 9 days after a fall during a training run in Utah.

It is a tragedy any time an individual, like Ms. Burke, dies in the prime of life.  In this case, her death is even more tragic because of who she was, how she lived her life: the loss of her continued contribution both to the world of sport and the promotion of gender equality.

Sarah Burke wanted her sport, superpipe free style skiing, to become an Olympic sport.  She wanted women to be able to compete on a level playing field with men.  And while she talked about what she wanted to see happen, she made it happen by choosing to truly walk her talk.  She followed her gut, and her heart.  As a teenager, she wanted to ski and complete but there were no competitions for women.  So she joined the guys,  skiing with them, demonstrating that women could compete with them.

She continued to make her case  until women were invited to join the ESPN-sponsored action sports showcase.   She proved her point by winning 4 gold medals at the X games, and being the first woman to land a number of tricks including a 720, a 900 and a three revolution trick called a 1080.   She advocated tireless to get her sport recognized as an Olympic sport for the upcoming winter games in 2014 in Sochi.

Scores of young women will be empowered because of the choices she made.  She lived her passion and refused to allow either injuries or the status quo to define or limit her.  Instead she committed herself to achieving her vision, and by doing so has inspired and opened the door for countless other young women, who can look to her and say Yes I Can.

May her example, passion and commitment continue to live on and inspire all of us – to step into our power, challenge the status quo, and refuse to let fear imprison us or prevent us from discovering and living our purpose.

 

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Join the Movement of People For Good

Posted on January 19, 2012 by Erica Pinsky

It’s a New Year.  In spite of the fact that according to the Mayan calendar it is also going to be our last, I am feeling very optimistic about 2012.

One reason for my optimism is the fact that Values.com http://www.values.com, The Foundation for A Better Life,  an organization that I blogged about last year has not only survived, but is thriving.   It now has the economic clout to advertise in multiple media streams to promote the importance of values in making a positive difference in people’s lives and communities.

During the holiday season I passed a billboard that caught my eye because, rather than yet another ad for some product we all just have to run out and buy, it had a simple slogan about doing good.  PeopleforGood.ca, http://www.peopleforgood.ca/  like Values.com, is interested in making the world a better place.  They don’t want us to buy anything.  They just want us to do good: to be generous, compassionate, respectful and kind, precisely what I am dedicated to create in our workplaces.

Apparently, there are some very compelling reasons for us to consider joining this movement.  PeopleForGood cites research which establishes that when you do something nice for someone, you get a natural high that can last for weeks even months.

Can it be possible that, in spite of all the evidence to the contrary that we see in contemporary society, Anne Frank was right when she wrote

“In spite of everything, I still believe people are good at heart.”

Last week I attended a meeting of the  International Coaching Federation.  As we went through the obligatory table partner introductions, I learned that the woman next to me spends her time coaching unhappy C suite leaders.

Given the fact that salaries for Canadian CEO’s rose by 27% last year, while remaining frozen for the rest of us, you might be wondering what these folks have to be unhappy about.  They have power and privilege. They have money and lots of it. They can buy all the latest stuff, go on great holidays, live in a huge house with a big staff and lot of cars.   In short they can live the American dream, a vision which has been held up for years as that which we should all be aspiring to because, let’s face it, money is the most important thing in life.  You know that old expression, Money can buy happiness.

Oops.  I think I got that wrong.  That old expression is that money CAN’T buy happiness, which is why the woman I met last week has a thriving coaching practice working with all these rich executives.  As she explained it,  in spite of the fact that they have all the “stuff” that should make them happy, all of them are really unhappy and have no idea why.

I do hope that in some sense the Mayan’s were right.  I hope that 2012 will be the last year we continue on the path to bigger, better, faster, the path to mass consumption and disconnection which is destroying our planet and all of us that live on it.

I’m hoping that 2012 will be the year that sees the seeds that were sown in the Occupy movement of last fall start to bloom.  I’m hopeful that 2012 will be the year when those of us, and I absolutely believe we are in the majority, that embrace ethical values will reach that critical tipping point that Malcolm Gladwell talks about: the point at which the balance of power will shift to ensure that respect for people and planet becomes  the norm rather than the exception in our world.

What about you?  Care to join us at PeopleforGood?  Set an intention today, and every day, to do something nice for someone.  You’ll enjoy that natural high and contribute  to a global  shift in our cosmic energy.

 

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The RCMP – Zero Tolerance for Respect

Posted on November 16, 2011 by Erica Pinsky

On November 7th the CBC broke the story that Catherine Galliford, for years the public face of the RCMP as its official spokesperson s in B.C, had filed a complaint of sexual harassment.  The following day I appeared as a guest on CBC radio’s BC Almanac with Mark Forsythe to discuss this latest allegation of sex harassment within the RCMP. (http://tinyurl.com/7vw5xab)

Ms. Galliford’s allegation did not remain the latest allegation for long.  After her story broke, another former female Mountie, Krista Carle, spoke up about the harassment she had experienced during the course of her 20 year career.  She
and Ms. Galliford were fellow graduates in the class of 1991. Now they are both
on medical leaves, both  diagnosed with  post-traumatic stress disorder.  Ms. Galliford put up with the abuse until 2007.  Ms. Carle lasted 2 years longer,
until 2009.

Curious as to how the RCMP responded to these  serious and damaging allegations? ”The RCMP is committed to providing all its employees a work environment free of harassment, discrimination and conflict, where all employees are treated with respect and dignity. While we cannot speak to specific allegations, we continue to encourage our members to report incidents of harassment when they occur so they can be investigated immediately.”

Isn’t it curious then, that Ms. Carle says that when she tried to report the
harassment she was subjected to, rather than investigate, management tried to
cover up the complaint.  Ms. Galliford had a similar experience.  Ms. Carle
alleges that she knows a number of other women that have been harassed on the
force.

I take it she is referring to women who have not yet come forward.  The harsh reality of sex harassment as a condition of employment for women within the RCMP was established years ago with the case of Nancy Sulz, who received the highest monetary amount ever awarded in BC Supreme Court, just under a million dollars, to compensate for the “serious psychological harm” which she suffered
from her commanding officer and two of his  subordinates while working as an RCMP officer.

And yet In every article that has appeared since the Galliford story broke, we continue to read about the fact that the RCMP, like all other Federal  Government agencies, has a “zero tolerance” policy with respect to harassment.

Isn’t is also curious then, that In spite of the zero-tolerance policy and  a public commitment to providing a harassment free work environment,   Ms. Sulz’s
experience mirrors that of her  colleagues, Ms. Carle and Ms. Galliford.   SHe
tried to get someone to investigate her complaint.  In point of fact she tried 48 times.   When the RCMP finally did investigate, none  of her allegations were substantiated.

One has to wonder though, how the BC Supreme Court, hearing the same  evidence, came to such  a startlingly different conclusion. The Court found that she had been so damaged by the harassment   she might never be able to work again.

The other interesting fact is that Ms. Sulz’s case was decided in 2006, when both
Ms. Galliford and Ms. Carle were still working.  Yet, despite their zero-tolerance policy, and the clear confirmation that this policy had been breached, the RCMP continued to do business as usual, which within the RCMP means a disrespectful, command and control style of leadership combined with sexual harassment for those members of the force who happened to be female.

Here’s the thing about a zero-tolerance policy.  It means nothing unless those in
positions of power decide to enforce it.

It is beyond evident that those in positions of power within the RCMP have little or not interest in doing so.  If they did, they would have already done so.  It’s not like they don’t know what is going on.  Since the Sulz decision, everybody  has known.

The reality is that the RCMP, like every other federally regulated employer, was
required to hire women because of employment equity legislation.   A change was “forced” upon the force, and I have no doubt that those at the top would prefer things the way they were, when men were men and women were nowhere to be seen within the ranks of the RCMP.

And that is the beauty of thes hollow, politically correct policies, statements and  posturing.   Doing nothing and allowing ongoing harassment will make sure there soon won’t be any women working as RCMP officers.

In an interview after her award, Ms. Sulz stated that she would not want her daughter to be a police officer.  The latest allegations will work to ensure  that scores of other young women  will make a similar decision not to  choose a
career in the RCMP.

As a result there will be no more of these high profile sexual harassment  complaints.  The RCMP will proudly say that it’s zero tolerance policy is working.

I believe that the RCMP has a zero tolerance policy. But it is not zero tolerance
for harassment.  It is zero tolerance for equality. Zero tolerance for fairness.
And zero tolerance for respect.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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How do You Define Success?

Posted on November 8, 2011 by Erica Pinsky

Last week I posed a question on Twitter.

How do U measure success? How important is money in the equation? How
do we value making a difference, or effecting positive change?

I started thinking about this after listening to a CD I receive monthly from the National  Speakers Association.  One of the features focused on what speakers have to do to get their business to the next income level.

I started wondering if the million dollar speakers were those that had the most compelling messages, those who could  most effectively connect with, and affect change with their audiences.  Or was their superior abilities in networking, marketing, or product development?   Was it a combination of the two?  I wondered how many of those million dollar speakers were male, given that while there are as many female as male speakers, men get booked for 80% of all speaking gigs.

Some of the most successful speakers are those that speak to others about selling.  Their success is directly related to being able to increase the amount of money their audiences make.

The definition of success in selling is pretty narrowly defined.  The more you sell, the more money you make.   I just read an article about how big pharma is now making a case to sell drugs like Ritalin to kids as young as 4.   That might make a lot of big pharma reps much more successful, but if that was how I became successful, I am not sure that I would be able to sleep at night, even if I could afford the most comfortable bed money could buy, complete with sheets of Egyptian cotton.

I am starting to think that most of us now measure our success using those narrow “sales person” parameters.  It is simply a numbers game.  More money equals more success.  End of story.   Even if you are doing all kinds of  good work, if you are not making  money,
you are not really successful.

I want to be perfectly clear here.  I have nothing against making money.  I just have a belief that ethics and morals have a critically important place in that equation.  I am very concerned that for many of us, that belief is no longer of any concern.  And that moves us into what I view as  very precarious territory.   I believe that may be a big part of what is
fuelling the Occupy protests.  As I have written in recent posts, our values are out of whack.

I am an advocate for socially conscious capitalism, where success is defined by a triple bottom line – people, planet, profit.   One of the affirmations I say during my early morning walk is “It is my responsibility to be successful.”  I believe that it is.  I have gifts, talents and abilities that have the potential to benefit and enrich the lives of others.  I am sole support for my daughter.   There is nothing hindering me from living my purpose. Success is not an option.    However, how I chose to define what that looks like is.

One twitter follower sent this quote from Maya Angelou in response to my question. “Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.”   That
certainly resonated with me.

Author Ron Haynes writes “Too many people think success is wrapped up in things, but the truth is success is wrapped up in how you see yourself, and how you’re able to enjoy your life.”  

This one resonated as well.  In 2010 I had my best year ever in terms of income but I really didn’t have a whole lot of fun.  Since last month  I have set the same intention every morning – to be joyful.  To enjoy my life, to enjoy my work.  That is how I am starting to
define success.

What about you? How do you define success?

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Sandy Garossino – An Alternative Voice for Vancouver Voters

Posted on October 31, 2011 by Erica Pinsky

Can one voice make a difference?

Have you ever heard of Stella Bliss, Sherri Zarankin, or Michael Huck?  In all likelihood the answer to that question is no, though the likelihood is quite high that you may have benefitted from the choice each of them made to speak up.

Pregnant women in Canada today can collect employment insurance benefits  because Stella Bliss spoke up and said it was not fair that she couldn’t collect employment insurance benefits  simply because she was pregnant.   Thousands of women and girls are protected from sexual harassment at work because Sherri Zarankin spoke up about the vulgar, coarse remarks, the touching and fondling she had to put up with at work.  Accessibility for persons with disabilities in public spaces is something we take for granted because Michael Huck spoke up when he couldn’t watch a film in a theatre because there was no space for patrons like him who were confined to a wheelchair.

Human rights law is a branch of the law designed to empower individuals.  It requires an individual, one person to stand up and say this is not fair.  If that individual is willing to go the distance, their voice can have far reaching consequences.

Sandy Garossino is one of those people.  Last Friday I had the honour and privilege to  meet her.   I learned that Ms. Garossino spoke up to prevent the expansion of gambling in Vancouver by  co-foundeding the  Vancouver Not Vegas Coalition,  which successfully opposed  the expansion of Edgewater Casino on the BC Place site.

I learned why Ms. Garossino is choosing to run as an independent in the upcoming
municipal elections in Vancouver.  She is speaking up about the “toxic politics” that keep the parties from working collaboratively.  She is speaking up about the importance of engaging people, all people, in the process of governing through authentic public consultation.  She is speaking up about the cost of living in Vancouver, artificially inflated by a housing market that is making a few people rich, while talented, hardworking and creative people cannot afford to live or move here.

Ms. Garossino is speaking up about the issues I care about.    Like the late Jack Layton, she is a candidate aligned with my values. She is passionate about the issues I am passionate about.

After hearing her speak last week I felt inspired and hopeful.  I want her voice to be heard at City Hall.  I invite you to meet Sandy.  http://votesandy.ca.  I know you will be as impressed as I was.

Collectively we can use our power to make sure her voice is heard.

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Occupy Wall St: Greed or Compassion – The Choice is Yours

Posted on October 24, 2011 by Erica Pinsky

Two weeks have passed since I last blogged about Wall St protests.   I am happy to report that since then the movement has grown in strength.  More people are  participating in it and more people are talking about it.

Yesterday respected scientist and environmentalist Dr. David Suzuki addressed the protesters who have been camped outside the Vancouver Art Gallery for over a week now.  His message focused on corporate greed, the influence of corporations on public policy as
well as the impunity with which corporate criminals operate.   “Terrible things have been done in the name of greed”    Dr. Suzuki stated.

Last March I wrote a post about Values.com, a site designed to encourage and inspire us
to think about, and talk about our values.  In that post I cited a well-known Canadian media personality whose mantra is “Greed is good.”     The question I posed in that post was   When exactly did greed become a good thing?

While I would argue that there are very few things in life that can be categorized as either good or bad, greed is one of them.  The bottom line here is that greed is not good.  Greed is bad.  Make no mistake about it.  Corporate greed is bad.  It threatens to destroy our social fabric and our planet.   This is what the Wall St. protests are really about.

Now there are those that argue that the protesters are  a bunch of whiners that are just as greedy as those on Wall St.  They are only protesting because they want what those on Wall St. have – money and power.

How then does one explain the preponderance of signs that say things like “I care about you.”  The value that is expressed there is compassion.  Another sign which caught the attention of writer and activist Naomi Klein,  was “Compassion is a radical act.’  According to Ms. Klein,  the fact that people are holding up signs saying ‘I care about you” is a radical act. “If you think about what this culture teaches us to do, it really is not to care about each other, to harden our hearts to each other.”

This past weekend my 15 year old daughter and some friends went to the home of one of her school mates.  All of the kids put their stuff, purses, ipods, jackets, hoodies into a cupboard.  When they went to retrieve them at the end of the evening, everything was either destroyed or missing.   Which value is reflected in that behaviour – greed or compassion?

I am happy the protests are growing because like Ms. Klein and Dr. Suzuki,  I believe that what people are speaking up about is not a lack of money, but a lack ethical values –
values like respect, equality, fairness, honesty and compassion.

Those are the values that must be the foundation for  sustainable human society.    There really is no option.

If you are not convinced open your eyes.  The evidence is all around us.

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Start A Revolution –50 years later “We the People” Have Rediscovered Our Voice

Posted on October 11, 2011 by Erica Pinsky

When I was a kid I really regretted the fact that I was born too late to be a hippie.   I wanted to be part of the peace and  love generation, a  generation for whom protests and protest songs were the order of the day.   Jefferson Airplane’s Start a Revolution was like the national anthem.

I have been  watching the growing movement south of the border with both interest and hope.   I had just about come to the conclusion that most Americans had become anesthetised by consumerism, distracted by  stuff that no one needs rather than standing up for the stuff that  really matters.   After the elections last year, and the Republican sweep of the house, along with support for more tax breaks for the rich as well as the fight against Obamacare, I thought all was lost.

But you know that old expression,  it is always darkest before the dawn.  It appears that the  99% have finally woken up.  The protests that started on Wall St have spread to over 250 US cities, and are expected to hit major Canadian cities this weekend.

One of the main differences in this revolution from the one that occurred in the sixties was that at that time it was mostly limited to the “younger generation”.  This time around we have protesters who were singing Start a Revolution when it came out marching with today’s youth.

Power of association has always been a crucial source of power.  As the numbers grow, so does the power of the message as well as the possibility for real change.  As I heard one Wall St protester say, what can Mayor Bloomberg really do? If force is used to quell the protests, how then is he really any different than leaders in  Syria or Libya?  (Too bad the G20 took place before the Arab spring or we could have been making similar arguments about those in power above the 49th parallel)

The power of the people is supposed to be what distinguishes democracy from other social orders.  In a democracy people are supposed to be able to speak up.  Government’s job is to make sure that the  playing field is somewhat equalized, creating conditions for the “right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

Filmmaker Michael Moore predicted that the people would rise up at the end of his film “Capitalism  – A Love Story.”  When I watched the film, I desperately wanted to believe that he might be right.

Judging from what we are seeing now, it appears that he was.

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Speak Up: Speak Out

Posted on October 4, 2011 by Erica Pinsky

One of my most popular presentations is entitled Speak Up Speak Out: Personal Power and Respect at Work.  As the title suggests, the goal of the workshop is to inspire, empower and educate people to speak up when they have issues or conflicts at work,  particularly when faced with power based behaviours like harassment and bullying.

I developed this session as a direct response to what I experience repeatedly in my work as a Respectful Workplace Solutions Expert. The most common response that people have when on the receiving end of disrespectful behaviour is to put up with it, to say nothing and hope that it will go away.   Problem is it rarely does.  While creating a respectful workplace is the ultimate fix for such issues,  many of us don’t have the luxury of waiting.  I want to ensure people know that they can make a different choice, one that will facilitate ending rather than prolonging the problems they may be facing  at work.

I had a great example yesterday of how prevalent this behaviour is.   I started taking yoga a few weeks ago.  While I have been doing yoga on my own for years, I had never taken classes until spending some time at Hollyhock on Cortes Island in July.  I realized how much I enjoyed being in class, and given that one of my priorities this year is to bring more joy and fun into my life, I signed up for classes as soon as I got back to town.

Last week our instructor was playing Nirvana at the start of the class.  I found the music much too stimulating and agitating.  As I sat with eyes closed, trying to get centered and focused, I decided to speak up rather than have to fight to control my response to the music.   Our instructor respectfully changed the music and I had a great class.

Yesterday when I arrived at class one of the other participants said “ I really wanted to thank you for saying something about the music last week.  I was feeling the same way, but I didn’t want to say anything.” Immediately another class member chimed in.  “Yes, I felt the same way too and was really glad you spoke up.”

One of the issues I focus on in Speak Up Speak Out is how power affects relationship.   As I unrolled my mat I thought about how curious it is that even when we are paying for  a class, which theoretically gives us economic power, we are reluctant to challenge the positional power of the instructor.   We give away our power and hope that someone else, the proverbial hero, will ride in, rescue us  and save the day.

As pleased as I was to hear that my actions were appreciated by my class mates, I have no interest in being anyone’s hero. I am much more interested in empowering others to become the hero of their own story.  One way I know I can do that is to walk my talk, and lead by example.  I had not thought about that when I spoke up last week, but it became very clear that my behaviour had made an impression, one that I hope will inspire my class mates to make a different choice next time.  Because we know there will always be a next time, another opportunity to demonstrate self respect by speaking up when something is bothering us.

I am just about to get ready for an afternoon presentation of Speak Up.  I feel more motivated than ever to deliver my message of respect and empowerment.

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Jamey Rodemeyer – Gay, Bullied and Dead at 14

Posted on September 26, 2011 by Erica Pinsky

We have all heard the expression“sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.”

The tragic death of Jamey Rodemeyer proves just how fallacious that expression is in the harsh reality of social media and cyber bullying.

Jamey, like so many gay teens,  had been bullied at school.   He asked for help to deal with his experiences in his on line posts.  On September 9, Jamey wrote: ‘I always say how bullied I am, but no one listens. What do I have to do so people will listen to me?’

Here is a sample of what his cry for help generated. Instead of help, he got more insults, hurt and humiliation.

‘JAMIE IS STUPID, GAY, FAT ANND UGLY. HE MUST DIE!’

‘I wouldn’t care if you died. No one would. So just do it.  It would make everyone WAY more happier!’  (this post confirms that it is bullying rather than education that is
flourishing in many public schools)

We in the “civilized” world look at customs like stoning and condemn these “others” who support such barbaric practices.  And yet we allow anonymous posts on social media sites which produce the exact same outcome: death for innocent victims.

Jamey’s died because he was gay.  Had he lived in Europe in the late 1930s or 40s that would have been a reason to send him to the gas chambers.  Gays, like Jews, or Gypsies were targeted, rounded up and exterminated.   They  were deemed underserving of life because of who they were .

Sixty years may have passed, along with countless pieces of carefully worded human and civil rights  legislation, but it appears that very little has changed other than the manner in which these victims are being led to their deaths.

Only this time we really can’t say we didn’t know.  We know.   The problem is that most of us are choosing to either look the other way or convince ourselves that there is nothing we can do.

The outcome of that kind of thinking is that Jamey will simply become a statistic.  Another victim of a hate crime that could be eradicated if only enough of us chose to believe that there is something we can do.

So, what do you believe?

 

 

 

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